Although it may be hard to imagine, there are many steps you can take to negotiate a more fair divorce. The more knowledge you have throughout the process, the better equipped you will be to navigate potential pitfalls.
1. Call a lawyer and financial professional: Do not delay in assembling your "divorce team". Experienced professionals are an invaluable asset in assuring your interests are looked after. The end result is well worth the upfront costs.
2. Remember, knowledge is power: Enhance your knowledge regarding the divorce process by reading books, consulting experts and talking to friends and family who have experienced a divorce. It is important to feel comfortable with terminology used by your divorce attorney and divorce financial planner. Learning as much as possible about divorce helps you to form realistic expectations from the beginning and you are less likely to feel intimidated if you have working knowledge of the process.
3. Know your current financial situation: If your spouse keeps track of the finances, it is imperative that you become informed of your current financial situation. Read the "Start Now" guide and see what documents you need before taking any action. You must know where you currently stand in order to assess a reasonable expectation of your post-divorce standard of living.
4. "Time" divorce, if possible: It may sound callous, but if you are close to hitting the 10 year mark in your marriage, it may be worth it to hold out. For couples married 10 years or more, you may be eligible for social security benefits based on your spouse's benefits.
5. Separate emotion from assets: It is important to keep your focus on the future! If you are dwelling on past hurts or memories, you are not able to see your current or future situation clearly. You will most likely base critical financial and legal decisions on these emotions instead of sound advice. For example, though your home may be a symbol of family and stability for you and your children, it is not always in your best interest to maintain the house. You must be able to step back from the situation and gain perspective in order to do what is best for you and your family.
6. Be honest and realistic: Although it may be tempting, do not manipulate financial information. This will only lead to distrust between you and your "divorce team" and between you and your spouse. Legal and financial decisions must be made based on accurate information. To do otherwise is counter-productive and will only be detrimental to you post-divorce.
7. Utilize your support network: Balance is important when dealing with the emotion involved in divorce. Talk to family, friends or a therapist and remember you are not alone! Your friends and family are there to support you and they have your emotional health at heart. If you need an outside perspective, a therapist would be a great resource. Although family and friends mean well, they can tend to tell you what they think you want to hear. A good therapist is unbiased and trained to provide you with healthy coping mechanisms.
